How I Dated My Aaron: Part One cont.

"Hi!" I answered shyly.

"Hey! How was church!?" as I melted at the sound of his voice across the phone waves. The conversation carried on to this, to that, to this, to that.

The courage to bring up 'the text message' finally reached my mouth and spilled over with a

"Yeah, well, I'm surprised you even called me!"

"What, why wouldn't I call you?" he persisted.

"Well, that text message you sent me, about not wanting me to tell anyone we kis....."

"WHOA. WAIT! I sent that because I thought maybe, I don't know, I thought you wouldn't WANT to tell anyone we kissed. You don't have to. I want to tell everyone!"

"What!?? Why are you even saying that?" I giggled.

"Well, I don't know. It's just, well, you know, I'm like not in school or anything. If you're embarrassed [of me], you don't have to tell anyone."

--I interrupt myself, as an omnipotent narrator, to say: This was simultaneously the dumbest and cutest thing Aaron had/has ever said---

My mind raced with thoughts of : how could I be embarrassed of such a cute, round, tan, blue eyed bobbing little face? Nonsense! That face floated in my head as we finished up our conversation. Aaron was quite possibly the kindest/nicest/most caring boy I'd ever met.

Valentines Day was just around the corner (literally a day or two away) and an invitation was extended for a dinner for two on Aaron's back deck, well, a dinner for four-with my roommate and her boyfriend.

We arrived to a freshly placed meal against the back drop of a lush green landscape. Beyond the shrub was the cool scent of the ocean as the wind dropped the heat wave. As we finished up the delicious meal (he could COOK too!) Kim and Jantzen took off. Aaron and I were left on the back patio with nothing but the moonlight, a tattered couch, and a guitar. Aaron reached behind the couch and slowly swung the guitar over his shoulder and started to strum a beat as we communicated in low tones. The ocean offered it's background noise as breeze carried the tunes to my ears.

We sat for hours. I asked him to sing me a song. As I persisted and begged and pleaded, he began to softly sing. Every-time he looked at me from under the blond blanket that slightly covered his eyes, I wanted to die. I was back in la la land, but this time, there was music, and singing, and butterflies in my stomach-on acid. Every movement, every look seemed to be in slow motion as my mind checked out and my heart went into overdrive.

I went home high off the evening. I couldn't even sleep.

It came as a surprise to me over the next few days that I started to feel uneasy about, something. I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I spent a few nights on my knees in fervent prayer and confusing thought, pleading to know what the heck the uneasiness was for. I had the distinct feeling that I needed to break up with Aaron. I didn't want to. I fought it for days. I had no idea why, but this feeling wouldn't leave me alone. For days I struggled with the the thing in my head telling me I must do it. I couldn't put aside the feeling.

********************

"We need to talk" I said over the phone. And I knew that he knew what I meant. As I started out of the house to my car, a dark threatening storm was brewing off to the East.

I arrived to his house, walked into his room and stated my case. I didn't even know what I was saying. I'm not even sure it made sense. Tears welled up in my ears as I told him I didn't know why I was even doing this, but we had to take a break (in girl language, break up). I couldn't ignore what I was feeling. He told me he respected my choice, and thought the world of me, and wanted me to be happy. That made it even worse. He really was perfect, so perfect we was willing to let me go--if that's what I really wanted.

As I walked out his bedroom door, I looked back at his sunken face, shoulders slummed forward, brow pursed in a world of confusion and hurt; in sync with what my heart was feeling. I wanted to die.

I walked out of the house to my car and stopped before I opened the door. I let the fresh rain blend into my tears and looked pleadingly up at the sky, 'are you happy?? I'm not!" I thought. I got into the car, soaked to the bone, and drove out of his life.